The Holy Fiasco, Starring Monty Python, The Marx Brothers and The Three Stooges
The Holy Fiasco
Setting: Jerusalem, 33 AD. A chaotic mash-up of Monty Python’s surreal humor, Marx Brothers’ verbal anarchy, and Three Stooges’ slapstick mayhem. The sketch follows a zany mission to save Jesus from crucifixion, ending with a musical twist where Jesus himself sings a version of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.”
Cast:
• Monty Python: John Cleese (pompous knight), Graham Chapman (doomsaying prophet), Eric Idle (cheeky minstrel), Terry Gilliam (animated chaos narrator).
• Marx Brothers: Groucho (witty schemer), Chico (accented conman), Harpo (mute trickster).
• Three Stooges: Moe (gruff leader), Larry (hapless sidekick), Curly (slapstick whirlwind).
• Jesus: A serene, slightly amused figure who delivers the final song.
Schedule/Sketch Outline:
9:00 AM - The Gathering (5 minutes)
• Location: A dusty Jerusalem tavern.
• Action: Cleese, as a self-important knight, summons “The League of Ludicrous Saviors.” Groucho swaggers in, pitching a scheme to “sell salvation subscriptions.” Chico mistakes “Jesus” for a new type of falafel. Harpo honks a horn and chases a Roman with a feather duster. Moe slaps Larry and Curly for eating the mission scroll. Chapman drones about impending doom, while Idle strums a lute, singing about Pontius Pilate’s toga. Gilliam’s animation shows a Roman centurion flattened by a giant scroll.
• Dialogue Highlight:
• Cleese: “We must save the Messiah, you fools!”
• Groucho: “Save him? I’ll book him for a Vegas miracle act!”
• Curly: “Nyuk nyuk, I thought we was savin’ a sandwich!”
9:05 AM - The Plan (5 minutes)
• Location: Tavern backroom.
• Action: Cleese proposes storming Golgotha. Groucho suggests bribing Pilate with a “slightly dented goblet.” Chico insists on disguising as priests, prompting Harpo to pull a mitre from his coat and honk. Moe demands a “tactical eye-poke offensive.” Larry spills wine on Curly’s toga, sparking a slapstick brawl. Idle composes a ditty, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Crucifixion.” Chapman mutters the plan’s doomed because “the heavens have spoilers.”
• Visual Gag: Harpo drops a piano on Moe’s foot, who retaliates by clonking Larry and Curly.
9:10 AM - The Infiltration (7 minutes)
• Location: Jerusalem streets, approaching Golgotha.
• Action: In awful disguises (Chico and Harpo as priests, Curly with a beard stuck to his forehead), the group sneaks past Romans. Groucho cons a centurion into thinking they’re a juggling troupe. Harpo swaps the guard’s spear for a rubber duck. Moe leads a Stooge brawl when Larry trips into a soldier, with slaps and nose-tweaks. Cleese and Chapman debate salvation’s logistics, while Idle busks with a lute. Gilliam’s animation shows a Roman chariot derailed by a giant banana.
• Dialogue Highlight:
• Groucho: “Say, centurion, is this the cross or a carpentry convention?”
• Moe: “Move it, knuckleheads!” slaps Larry and Curly
• Idle: “Got a coin? I’m crowdfunding the resurrection!”
9:17 AM - The Rescue Attempt (8 minutes)
• Location: Golgotha, at the cross.
• Action: Jesus is on the cross. Cleese rallies the group for a “heroic rescue,” but Groucho tries to sell the cross as “beachfront property.” Chico and Harpo climb to free Jesus, but Harpo sprays seltzer at a crow instead. Curly saws the cross, hitting Moe, triggering a Stooge slap-fest. Chapman pleads with Jesus, who smiles serenely. Idle leads the crowd in a premature sing-along. The Romans scatter when Harpo unleashes a sack of chickens from his coat.
• Visual Gag: Larry’s ladder buckles, dumping him into Groucho’s cigar stash, which sparks like fireworks.
9:25 AM - The Musical Climax (5 minutes)
• Location: Golgotha, at the cross.
• Action: The group’s rescue fails as ropes snap and ladders collapse. Cleese rants about “narrative betrayal.” Groucho offers to manage Jesus’ “post-cross comeback tour.” Chico asks if salvation includes dessert. Harpo honks mournfully. Moe slaps Curly and Larry for sobbing. Suddenly, Jesus, still on the cross, breaks into a serene yet cheeky rendition of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” with lyrics tweaked for the occasion (e.g., “When you’re nailed to a tree, just smile and you’ll see, it’s all part of the plan, I’m saving man!”). Idle joins in with his lute, stunned but delighted. The crowd sways, the Romans tap their feet, and even Harpo sways with a harp. Gilliam’s animation shows angels whistling along, with a bouncing ball for lyrics. The group, dumbfounded, shrugs and sings backup, ending in a chaotic curtain call.
• Final Dialogue/Song:
• Jesus (singing): “Always look on the bright side of life! whistle Though I’m stuck here today, I’ll be back in a way!”
• Cleese: “He’s… singing? This is outrageous!”
• Groucho: “Kid’s got pipes! I’m booking him for eternity!”
• Curly: “Woo woo woo, I’m joinin’ the choir!” gets slapped by Moe
9:30 AM - Curtain Call
• Action: The group harmonizes (badly) as Jesus finishes his song. Harpo chases a Roman with a giant lyre. Gilliam’s animation drops a giant halo on the set. Credits roll to the song’s reprise.
Total Runtime: ~30 minutes, ideal for a Python-esque sketch show.
Notes: The sketch retains the original’s blend of Python absurdity, Marx wit, and Stooge physicality, but replaces the expository punchline with Jesus leading a defiant, uplifting musical number. His singing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” delivers the same theological point—his crucifixion is necessary—while leaning into Monty Python’s iconic humor and subverting the rescue with a showstopping twist.